( it's a violent pain, to see alina's bitter, hateful expression. paul flinches at the weight of it, synapses and equations running in his head, trying to find the miraculous way forward that fixes everything. spice can do a lot, but it can't teach an orphaned girl with little love for the world to accept a truth that's been given, string free and hands off. like a mouse too scared of a trap to accept the cheese — except that, of course, alina knows what he's saying. she's right there with him, hearing words, parroting them back. she understands and she's furious, because — what? that thing i came to confess, it's only okay when i do it, paul atreides, stupid boy.
he doesn't move when the can come his direction because it doesn't hit him, though honestly he wouldn't move out of its path if it did, because alina can always do whatever she wants to him. there's his own measure of anger in his eyes, though his expression is more stubbornly pleading than anything else, trying to understand her, refusing to violate her privacy. )
A joke. ( he huffs a breath like an angry dragon, trying not to burn fire. ) Alina, if I so much as suggest I might need you for something other than breeding, you freeze like a wolf in a trap. You act like loving you is something only a fool would do, like I'm an idiot for even suggesting it.
( so, yeah. maybe his feelings are a joke to her. but she knows how he feels about alia — alia is the entire world to him. in comparing the two, he's saying you're the world, too.
of course, it doesn't come off like that. alina sees the ampersand between their names, a perpetual reminder to share with the class. he can't if she wants him to choose alia over her, because he can't choose anyone over alia — the only thing anyone can ever be, the highest rank of love in his heart, is the & between their name and alia's. not even jessica ranks so high. not even chani. )
I'm not an idiot. I do love you, and you know it. You've known it this whole time, every time I've slept with you in my arms, every time we've read in the library. ( he lifts up his shirt and picks the crysknife tucked into his waistband out of its sheath. ) And you didn't come here just to tell me Alia is your bed partner. You haven't told me anyone else you bed. Oh, Alia is my sister? If that was it then you would've told me months ago, when it first happened.
Here is the truth you have to face: you told me because you feel guilty. Because it's not just fucking with Alia, because you like her. Her and me. You and her. Me and you. ( he toes off his shoes. ) You need a part of me, just for yourself. You want a finger or a toe?
( alina knows how to cut off limbs. paul wants to bleed. alina needs proof. paul is desperate to be seen. )
no subject
he doesn't move when the can come his direction because it doesn't hit him, though honestly he wouldn't move out of its path if it did, because alina can always do whatever she wants to him. there's his own measure of anger in his eyes, though his expression is more stubbornly pleading than anything else, trying to understand her, refusing to violate her privacy. )
A joke. ( he huffs a breath like an angry dragon, trying not to burn fire. ) Alina, if I so much as suggest I might need you for something other than breeding, you freeze like a wolf in a trap. You act like loving you is something only a fool would do, like I'm an idiot for even suggesting it.
( so, yeah. maybe his feelings are a joke to her. but she knows how he feels about alia — alia is the entire world to him. in comparing the two, he's saying you're the world, too.
of course, it doesn't come off like that. alina sees the ampersand between their names, a perpetual reminder to share with the class. he can't if she wants him to choose alia over her, because he can't choose anyone over alia — the only thing anyone can ever be, the highest rank of love in his heart, is the & between their name and alia's. not even jessica ranks so high. not even chani. )
I'm not an idiot. I do love you, and you know it. You've known it this whole time, every time I've slept with you in my arms, every time we've read in the library. ( he lifts up his shirt and picks the crysknife tucked into his waistband out of its sheath. ) And you didn't come here just to tell me Alia is your bed partner. You haven't told me anyone else you bed. Oh, Alia is my sister? If that was it then you would've told me months ago, when it first happened.
Here is the truth you have to face: you told me because you feel guilty. Because it's not just fucking with Alia, because you like her. Her and me. You and her. Me and you. ( he toes off his shoes. ) You need a part of me, just for yourself. You want a finger or a toe?
( alina knows how to cut off limbs. paul wants to bleed. alina needs proof. paul is desperate to be seen. )