𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐒

[saltburntmods]

MISFIRES

a rambunctious duo in salt has stuck their nose where they shouldn't and now you can all reap the rewards! this is a MISFIRES meme. post a header for your character, and receive accidental texts from your local saltburntian guests. nudes, nasties, confessions of a certain persuasion? things you'd otherwise never write or send? they're all on the table. (meme threads aren't game canon, but they're not not game canon either, right)

Comments

[blooded]

[ ...this definitely wasn't meant for him.

howeverrrr... ]

Gelato's better. I'll have some sent to your room—ice cream too, so you can compare.

[kobes]

[koby's remarkably unobservant -- he doesn't even clock that it's damon, not his nephew, just texts back half-distracted]

the fancy italian shit?
had that in rome once
la delizia dell'estate
or whatever, i told u my italian's shit

you not gonna bring it yourself???? rude

[blooded]

Jakob, look at who you're texting.

[ pause while he presumably does that..... ]

I could bring it to you but something tells me I would, how do you say, harsh the vibe.

[kobes]

OH





shit
sorry




what vibe lmao i'm lying in my sweatpants thinking about ice cream
that's not really a vibe

[blooded]

It was funny

[ so don't apologize, he hasn't been laughing a lot this trip! ]

I'm not well-versed on "vibes" but I'm sure that's some kind of vibe.

Maybe a sad one

[kobes]

the network here is shit okay my pics have been going all over
be glad u didn't get an eyeful

i'm not sad
i'm hungry and bored
it's ttly different

[blooded]

Be patient, you'll have ice cream and gelato in less than ten minutes.

As for the boredom, I'd offer to help if I didn't fear for my virtue.

[ his adulterous virtue! ]

[kobes]

oh shit
you mean that?
you don't gotta
i mean



i already ate.

yeah well you're the only guy here with that i think.
except maybe the hot priest.

[blooded]

Well, I don't have $500k to give your guardian and I can't help with your spine

So gelato's the least I can offer, really

Signore Dekarios is a far better man than me, I'm not that virtuous—merely tragically monogamous.

Tragically for everyone else, of course.

[kobes]

it's fine, i took ibuprofen
nobody's got that much money except god. i'm doomed.

you don't gotta be nice to me, you know.

right, sure. i don't think ANYONE here's virtuous.

[blooded]

I don't "gotta" be anything. I want to be nice to you.




And you're not doomed. At the very least she'll die one day.

[kobes]

why? what's in it for you?

yeah, in like a million years. she's gonna be one of those people who lives to a hundred outta pure spite.

[blooded]

Healing my inner child.



Well, that's only if she goes naturally. A lot of things can happen out in the world, you know. It's a dangerous place.

[kobes]

at least you're honest
i'm not a child. haven't been for a real long time.

yeah, i know, i'm from australia, remember?
what are you implying though

[blooded]

Well I was mostly joking
But yes, I know. You still deserve to be helped. Compassion isn't only for children.

Nothing in specific.
Nothing that you need to be concerned with.

[kobes]

that's really sweet of you but i'm fine. i can take care of myself.

yeah cause that isn't suspicious at ALL.
don't do anything stupid. she ruins lives, thats how she works. i don't want that shit anywhere near teo.

cw child abuse

[blooded]

Be honest with yourself—how's that working out?
Don't answer me, just think about it.




When I was young, 11 or 12, my mother tried to leave my father. I discovered later that she'd stolen some of his money, waited for one of his business trips—I think she intended to take Stefano and I with her, it was a lot of money, but I've never been sure.
It didn't matter. My father discovered the money was missing before he left for his trip. He waited until we were all at dinner to bring it up, only he didn't know who'd done it. He accused me.

cw child abuse continued

[kobes]

[the answer: badly. it's going badly.

after a pause, wherein he debates being a brat and not answering:] then what happened?

cw child abuse continues to continue

[blooded]

[ thank you for letting him be a dramatic bitch while he gets around to his actual point, koby, you a real one. ]

I denied it, of course. I was far too afraid of him to steal anything, and it was far too much money for me to be able to just stumble on anyway. But he didn't believe me, no matter how much I denied it.
After... I don't know, twenty minutes, maybe, maybe more, of back and forth, he turned to Stefano. If it wasn't me, then obviously it must have been Stefano, and he would have to be punished.
Stefano couldn't have been six. He didn't know what that meant, but I did. So I confessed. My mother didn't say a word the entire time.




You're a survivor. So am I. I don't pity you, Jakob, I am not trying to be your white knight.

cw child abuse just all the way probably

[kobes]

[he didn't believe me, of all the information there, hits hardest, somehow. standing before an authority figure, hands twisting together, wide-eyed and anxious and trying to insist upon a truth they refuse to accept. you're a little liar, and liars never change unless they're forced to change, i know it, i know you, i know you better than anyone else alive.

still, he gulps it down, shoves it into a little box in his head, locks it up tight.]

it's not the same.
your dad's an asshole who enjoyed having power over people who couldn't fight back.
alvida saved me. she gave me everything. she expects a lot out of me in return.

[parroted lines, said so many times he nearly believes them himself.]

she's put a lot of time and effort and resources into me and my career.
that's not something she's going to just abandon because someone's given me a better offer.

[between the lines: she'll never let me go.]

[blooded]

I was a constant disappointment to my father. Everything he'd given me, all the time and money he'd spent on me, the private tutors, the expensive European preparatory schools, and I could never just be what he wanted me to be.

When I graduated from Oxford, I could have stayed in England. I had a job offer, I had friends, I was seeing someone. He wasn't going to send anyone to bring me back. He knew he didn't need to. We make our own cages.

[kobes]

well, i was homeschooled except for one year.
didn't go to college. too busy working.

so what did it? how'd you get out and live happily ever after?

[blooded]

[ hahaha! haha. ha. ]

Getting older. After I was grown enough to hit back, that stopped on its own, mostly. But honestly?

He died.

[ a month or so ago, of natural causes! teo's probably talked about it a lot, he was giuseppe's golden child. ]

[kobes]

that hasn't helped yet.
she's had me since i was twelve. ish.
just turned twelve.

oh. right. yeah.
sorry? not sorry?

[blooded]

Not sorry, he was an asshole—though I'm sure Teo's told you different.

I spent my whole life telling myself that there was nothing I could do and nowhere I could go. I never got to find out if that was actually true.

[ but you have time, koby! ]