![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
𝐓𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐒 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓
what a month! this is texts from last night.
(meme threads aren't game canon, but they're not not game canon either, right)
what a month! this is texts from last night.
(meme threads aren't game canon, but they're not not game canon either, right)
2
now, at a reasonable hour like 10am, you can come shoe me YOUR ass and I'll judge if it's fatter.
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
you're still an insane person for getting up at 4 am tho. does he know you're an insane person?
no subject
Everything happened.
His name is Quentin, he's a sailor and he's wonderful. I met him here.
Yes, he's aware. But he sleeps really deeply, so usually I don't wake him up when I go for my workout.
no subject
you're gonna be this rock solid little powerhouse before long, holy shit. twink face, lifter's body. that's so cool.
no subject
No, it was some party where everyone was in togas and there was an arena and Quentin got beat up and I lectured him about it and patched him up. And things sort of grew from there?
I'll settle for not straining my wrist whenever I try to punch something. Body builder can come later.
Besides, it's nice running at 4am. Nobody else around.
no subject
Koby. why are you so adorable.
look at you going around punching people! you can be my bodyguard.
does it clear your head?
no subject
Not just random people, but. It's important to have some level of self-defense.
Sometimes. Sometimes nothing can clear it, and I just have to sort of deal.
no subject
that's what a pretty blonde told me but I was worried she was also trying to kill me at the time.
I used to go home at 4am sometimes and it was so quiet that it really did seem to help. just being alive and alone and silent.
no subject
This month really did a number on us, didn't it? All that fighting and suspicion and everything.
That's it exactly. I'm not used to being alone like that. I mean
Alone and not scared.
no subject
yeah. I'm still kinda like half worried I'm gonna get stabbed.
yeah. I get that. it's nice, right? not being afraid.
no subject
Me too. I don't think this place has ever really been SAFE but it was never so obviously dangerous before.
I mean, I'm always a little afraid. I don't think that part of me is capable of being turned off.
no subject
because of how you grew up?
no subject
I don't know. Maybe? Does that make that much of a difference? I grew up normally.
no subject
a traumatic childhood tends to stick with people. and what we think is 'normal' often really isn't.
no subject
Well, of course. If your village is burned or your family killed by pirates or something, that makes sense.
no subject
it can be less dramatic than that. being overly disciplined. being alone. being suppressed. these things leave impressions on us.
no subject
I guess that makes sense? I've always thought I just needed to be stronger and learn to get over it.
no subject
no. that's a like, toxic cultural myth. and anybody who says that is probably deeply hurt and refusing to acknowledge it tbh.
I think you're very strong.
no subject
Oh. I mean, it was Alvida, so. I think it was just out of annoyance.
Really? Why?
no subject
I am also kinda worried that I lack any survival instinct. I trusted a lot of wolves.
oh. that's like, a thing?
look at you! you've presented your authentic self to the world! that's tough to do.
no subject
Well, so did I. I think most of them were compelled, so that makes it...sort of better?
What's a thing?
Is it? I just
Sort of felt like I didn't have any other choice.
no subject
yeah maybe.
Alvida?
I still think it's very brave, Koby.
(no subject)
(no subject)