𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐒

[saltburntmods]

MISFIRES

a rambunctious duo in salt has stuck their nose where they shouldn't and now you can all reap the rewards! this is a MISFIRES meme. post a header for your character, and receive accidental texts from your local saltburntian guests. nudes, nasties, confessions of a certain persuasion? things you'd otherwise never write or send? they're all on the table. (meme threads aren't game canon, but they're not not game canon either, right)

Comments

[holyposition]

If it's fake it could also get traced back to me, and she won't be busy cleaning up the rubble.

[kobes]

omg don't say THAT
just tell me it's all gonna work out okay and nobody's gonna get hurt
and we'll all live happily ever after or some bullshit



what do YOU think is a good idea
idgaf what some guy in nassau thinks

[holyposition]

We're probably gonna die miserable but not any time soon, koby.

I really respect him, he helped with the cow blood thing.

I think it would get a message across. And that there would be a manhunt. By the authorities but also Alvida, if you disappear around the same time she'll know you had something to do with it. Do you think she would bother, with the mess of a demolished hotel on her hands?

We have someone inside. Housekeeping staff. She can move around the place and be completely ignored. I got set up with a computer whiz my dad knows who's delivered blueprints, employee files, financial records, everything.

If we could reliably evacuate before anyone could stop it...we could.

[kobes]

as long as we're old and miserable, baby t
well, you'll be old. i'll be young and hot forever 😘

[there's a pause while koby turns it over in his head, figuring out which fears are legitimate and which are personal, bonedeep, instilled in him by years and years of control.]

she'll be doing a lot of damage control, trying to clean up and also trying to keep the authorities from digging too deeply
nassau's her go-to for shady shit -- all her arms dealing goes through there, and a lot of the drugs stuff. plus a lot of the worker contracts are bullshit.
won't take a lot for that to come to light.
she'll come looking for me. but probably not for a while.

who?
wait no don't tell me in writing, i trust you.
inside help is good. she can help get the girls out before shit goes down.




your dad helped? seriously?

[holyposition]

Yeah. Honestly, we have enough to give her a headache even without physically doing anything but I'm not letting the police take credit.

The staff and the guests. There's an alarm system so it should be doable. If we have "something" on a timer set to blow when we choose to.

He just put me in contact with someone. I didn't tell him what it was for, other than helping you out. And maybe gave him some false hope that I wanted to go to the Caribbean to help expand into rum.

[kobes]

yeah, blow up that shit.
wouldn't mind taking a couple old regulars out while we're at it, honestly, but one thing at a time.

how much ordnance do you have access to??? this is a little more explosive than a car.
that hotel's like 10 stories high.

very piratey, love it, lmao
surprised he still was willing after he heard it was me.
thanks mister s.

[holyposition]

If anyone dies then we'll have a harder time not getting caught. So let's not, even if they're awful.

We can source it. It'll take a little time to do so undetected, but he seems sure. I might head down early. Depending.

If he knew it was a bomb plot, there's no damn way he would be helping. But he’s trying this new thing, being a supportive father. It's weird and awkward for everyone but his hacker friend came through.

[kobes]

oh. yeah, nevermind. maybe they'll all get hit by a bus or something.

wait you're gonna be there?
in person?
teo, no.

huh.
and he knows its me, right? you didn't lie and say its some tragic little innocent orphan?
weird.

[holyposition]

I'm not asking my guy down there to do anything I'm afraid to do myself. I'll have an alibi. Sugar farm.

He does. He's gritting his teeth and being brave.

[kobes]

GOD you're annoying
fine
but i'm coming too

overcoming his internalized kobyphobia?

[holyposition]

No u

I'll keep you updated on the timeline

I think you earned some of it bestie

[kobes]

can you do it in a secret code?
always wanted to speak in a secret code

i was in a silly MOOD
jeez you tell a guy you wanna get into his pants ONE TIME and he thinks you're a menace 🙄🙄🙄

[holyposition]

I don't know if anyone really does that. But if you want :)

Probably because of me. I wouldn't have told you to go ahead if I thought he'd go for it.

[kobes]

i dunno, you're the big subterfuge guy, not me.
i'm the hot distraction.

yeah, it's your fault. i like that narrative way better.

there's something else i hadn't thought about. she pays for all my hrt stuff.
you know anyone who fences that shit?

[holyposition]

Not personally, but I know someone who does. We can still get you what you need.

[kobes]

course you do, cause you're a goddamn saint.




thanks, teo.
you don't have to do any of this shit, i know that.
i know it's a big damn risk.

[holyposition]

Because when you protest the Vatican for its homophobia and intolerance, you meet like minded activists.

What are friends for if they wouldn't commit a handful of felonies for you?

[kobes]

you're the only catholic i respect, bitch
have i told you that lately?

pretty sure that's in chicken coop for the insane homo's soul
or something

where'll you go? after, i mean.

[holyposition]

I went to Catholic school, but I don't really practice anymore. I barely count. I love you too, though.

Home, I guess? I have an apartment in Venice. Maybe my dad's, if I need to lay low. You've been there.

Maybe visit the US. If I haven't fucked things up with Hawk too much.

[kobes]

you're italian, i don't think you're allowed not to be catholic 🙄

yeah, it's nice. i dunno where i'll go. somewhere she won't think to look.
like iowa. or siberia.

i sincerely doubt you've fucked things up THAT bad. you talk to him yet?

[holyposition]

mamma mia i lov-a da confession

You could come with me.

A little. I was drunk. It might have made things worse.

[kobes]

omg you dork
i'm screencapping that to send to every guy you give a boner to 😝

yeah? to venice?

drunk teo is sexy, okay, thats when you get all messy and teary and shit
if that doesn't turn him on, he's busted

[holyposition]

Go ahead, they’ll like it. All the brits and americans get so horny about Italian.

Or Calabria. Or...wherever.

It’s not as cute over the phone. But turning him on isn’t the problem. That’s easy. I fucked up the feelings part.

[kobes]

and the aussies????
forgot the most important country!!!

calabria doesn't even sound like a real place lmao
i've only been to rome. so...not there.

feelings is easier with a boner, trust me. you even know how many marriage offers i've turned down?
at least he's talking to you tho

[holyposition]

that’s where the vineyard is!!

Enough that you could be divorced already, I know.

Yeah. Some. Maybe I should just cut and run, if it’s already hard, how tough is it gonna be when I have to get to work in Nassau? We barely know each other. He doesn’t know what my life is like outside the family vacations. What if he doesn’t like it? I’d rather get dumped today than two months from now if that’s how it’s gonna be.