fuck marry kill

[money]

FUCK, MARRY, KILL

welcome to GAME NIGHT at DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES. the game on the docket? FUCK, MARRY, KILL. the rules are simple: roll the game picker wheel three times or just pick three as you'd like, dropping the names in your header comment — icly we'll say they picked they names out of a hat. people respond, comment around, get into fist fights, kiss a little? thread hop and react as you see fit!
(meme threads can be considered canon!)

Comments

[hymen]

There are only three options for me, Bobby.

What the hell do you use it for then?

[sensive]

I don’t really think you guys are, like, taking up the same spot, if that’s what you’re trying to say.

[ sincere… ]

Other stuff. [ not not thinking about when bucky jacked him off ✔️ ] There’s a lot of stuff. Out there.

[hymen]

So you would kill me.

Careful. Your eyes might get stuck in a permanent state of sexual daydreaming, and then everyone would know that you're horny.

[sensive]

I’m not —

[ guuuuuuuh ]

I would not kill you. I would not kill anybody. I would marry everybody. You cheated, so I get to cheat. That’s fair.

[hymen]

So you wouldn't fuck me. You might as well kill me.

[sensive]

I mean, you wouldn’t. With me. So.

[ hole stuff technicality ✔️ ]

[hymen]

[ ! ]

Are you saying sex with me has been bad?

[ a sentiment never once uttered in the history of the world ? ]

[sensive]

[ finding this a little funny now, ]

No, I’m saying we haven’t actually, y’know, either way. So, who knows.

[hymen]

Who knows? Who knows?

[ does anybody know that some guy with boba eyes is the biggest asshole in his life 💙 ]

I'm revising my story. This is actually the worst thing you've ever said to me, and I'm filing it away for future citation opportunities.

[sensive]

I mean, I’m not gonna assume. That’s all I’m saying. You can’t cite that. It’s the absence of a citation.

[ please get madder 😍 ]

And you haven’t done any rounds with my name, so. There have to be a few, where you kill me.

[hymen]

You can't make an assumption based on previous evidence involving other tangentially-related skills? An educated guess, even? I can't believe you think I'd be a bad fuck. Do you know how many sordid tell-alls have been written about me?

I would kill you in all of them. [ a few petulant seconds later. ] I wouldn't kill you in any of them. Shut up.

[sensive]

I don’t think that. Also, I don’t believe that. Don’t you have, like, a very important full-time job?

[ how do you have time to fuck nasty while the red hulk is loose? and the aliens are invading? ]

If you don’t kill me… you fuck me and then ditch me? In those scenarios. Just for reference.

[ see. you hate him. ]

[hymen]

You don't believe in my storied sexual history? I went to an all boys boarding school. Do you know how many people probably voted for me just because they saw my dick fifteen years ago? Also, please don't talk to me about work unless you're gonna give me a gun.

Where exactly would one ditch a guy who shits sunshine? You're not ditchable. And I know what you're gonna say. That was different, and you handled it very poorly. Frankly, it's more evidence that you're not ditchable.

[ how did this conversation happen and how does he get it to stop? ]

[sensive]

Yeah, I got high and screwed around for over ten years, so. Sure, yours is cuter.

[ am i the bad boy? ]

Okay, I was actually not gonna bring that up. [ the audacity to look wounded by things he did himself, etc. ] You’re saying you are marrying me, then. In some combinations. And you’re lying about the combos where I get murdered, still, but I’m not gonna say them.

[ because we can choose to be normal. ]

not here but not not here

[nishtha]

[ Also not not using vampire hearing to listen from across the room. ]

not here

[hymen]

[ is his existence not embarrassing enough? ]

not here.

[sensive]

[ ]