draino | 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐄𝐒

I'd ask you to lay out precisely what you want for the night and I'll play into that fantasy too. 'Cause I'm the type that likes to indulge my partners, in whatever they are interested in.

[He sips his drink again before putting it down on the nearby desk, stepping to stand in front of Harry - hand through his hair affectionately, seeing what he likes. If he really does want some faux romance.]

Want me to be your lover of the last five years? Been away from you for six months, pining for you, and here you are... finally returned to me. Oh, how I want to get reunited with you in so many ways.

[Harry's flirty grin falters.]

I think, perhaps, we'll dispense with any fantasies. They're... not as welcome as I'd hoped.

[Even just pretending that someone cares hurts.

That's it, he thinks. He really is just completely broken.

But he tries to push through.]

Let's maybe just start with a kiss, hmm?

[Teddie tips his head to the side (did he mess that up some how?) before he knees down in between the v of Harry's legs, leaning forward to press against him. He reaches up for his neck, pulling him toward himself for a kiss - keeping it slow and tender, trying his best to coax out that flirty grin again.]

[The kiss is good. Harry resolutely stuffs his bad feelings down, focusing instead on those lovely lips and tongue.

His hands find Teddie's hair and push through it, and something feels... oddly familiar.

Harry pauses and pulls back.]

...we've not met, have we?

Have you ever been clubbing in NYC? Or Belize, Paris, anywhere in England...

[Teddie's been around quite a bit - he wouldn't be surprised. But even with the (slightly) joking reply, he swallows hard and looks at Harry for a moment. That fuzzy dream feeling that's been plaguing him is once again in his head, but blurting it out is bound to make him sound crazy. Two people so far believe him, the odds are stacked that the next likely won't.]

Not in recent years.

[Said dryly - he hasn't ever been big on clubs, even when he was in his twenties.

He studies Teddie's eyes. Such pretty eyes.]

I'm sorry. You just feel... terribly familiar. But I've been a bit off, lately.

I won't lie, I've heard that a few times lately.

[And he says that as he slinks forward, wrapping his arms around Harry's waist affectionately - chin against his torso, looking up. It, like much of this, just sort of feels right instead of oddly forward for the night's hook up. It was supposed to be an easy score and here he is, gazing up and not sucking dick. For shame.]

The I look familiar part, and also the feeling off bit. I've felt off for as long as I can remember.

Have you?

[Harry rests his hand on the back of Teddie's neck.]

I've been a mess for a long time, but this is different. I'm scared to look in the mirror, lately. I have dreams. And people seem... different.

[He said dreams out loud first. It means, maybe, just maybe...]

I've always had dreams - weird dreams. Dreams where I was somewhere else, a different version of myself living a different life. Every time they dreams were different, like I had a hundred other lives out there. But I had a lot of therapy, too. They called it a quirk.

[He kneads his hands against Harry's thighs, amused - but also feeling... heavy.]

I don't think it's a quirk sometimes. But I don't know what else it could be.

A quirk.

[It sounds fake somehow, like some shrink who couldn't be bothered to dig deeper. Harry wonders what Will Graham, his therapist friend, might say about it.]

Carl Jung had theories about the collective unconscious. Maybe that's what it is.

[He pushes a hand through Teddie's hair again. He thinks for a moment, silent, then abruptly pulls his shirtsleeve up and turns his forearm so that Teddie can see the scar running up it.]

I don't remember how I got this, or the matching one on the other arm. What's more, it's like... I never noticed them at all until very recently. And that's mad.

Do you think that maybe, just maybe, something is terribly wrong here? In the manor?

[Teddie looks at the scars, then up at Harry, before back down to the skin - reaching to run his fingers along the lines of them. It reminds him of how he's had all these half-baked assumptions in his head, of how people used to be different. But also, without reason, he's been unable to prove it. If something's not wrong with the manor, it's definitely wrong with his head.]

... What kind of terrible? The curable kind, I'd hope.

I don't know.

[He is cold, he realises. Cold again in spite of the warmth of Teddie's body and the fact that it's late June.

He wants us to run, he remembers someone screaming. But who? He cannot say.

Harry swallows dryly.]

I just don't know.

[Teddie's seen the expressions of a dozen men and women in times like this, shifting between something happy or engaging to something distant and drained. It's the latter he doesn't like, and he reaches up for Harry, hands in his hair, pulling him forward again so that their foreheads touch. He's not sure why, but it feels like for a moment he has something to give - as if some sort of soothing touch would just pour out of him like water, to calm him. But it's just a moment of pause, an attempt at the same thing.]

How about we leave worrying about that to the morning. And for now, instead, we just take comfort in one another's company?

...right.

[He came here for a hookup and instead he's pouring out his anxiety onto this poor stranger.

Harry forces a little smile and lifts his hands to cradle Teddie's face as he kisses him with uncharacteristic (he thinks) shyness.]

[Teddie leans into the kiss, drawing it out - introducing a little lick to Harry's lip before he peels back, still gazing at him with affection. It takes a moment, but he murmurs softly:]

It doesn't have to be sex. I'm very good at comfortable silences while laying in bed, too.

I must seem so pathetic right now.

[Harry sighs and passes a hand over his face.]

I feel pathetic. Yes, let's just... perhaps for a moment. I just need to collect myself.

[Bed sounds good. Warm and in someone's arms.]

Darling, farthest thing from it. You seem very human, and that's a good thing.

[Theo - Theo feels like there's something he's pushing through when he says that, reaching back to a time where Harry's company has been had before - like he wants to comfort him like an old friend. As something more. The woozy sense of deja vu makes his head spin a bit, but he pushes up to his feet, and grabs one of Harry's hands to pull him toward the bed.]

Would you like to talk about something? Listen to me and my vapid drama that's been happening lately? Ask me something else - anything else - about me? I can talk for hours. You'll be cozy.

[Harry goes, docile as a lamb.]

Why is it vapid?

[Teddie gets Harry into bed - doing the duty of loosening belts, removing shoes and unbuttoning shirts for comfort as needed. Then he crawls up into bed next to him, a lot longer in length than a certain other bedwarming twink, but Teddie seems to have an almost familiar way about him nonetheless - finding that same nook in Harry's arm, fitting into it against all odds. He sighs, resting his head to Harry's chest.]

I don't know. All of this... fighting and drama, it seemed to matter a lot before. But now I'm wondering if it's not just... stupid and silly? There are other things that should be more important, don't you think?

I think that, when it comes to the human animal, we've a very hard time distinguishing between important and petty when our emotions are involved. It all feels the same, and so we act accordingly.

Which is my long winded way of saying that yes, world hunger matters more but I'm still going to be consumed with arguments with my ex husband.

[He strokes Teddie's hair softly.]

What's got you upset?

[Yes, Harry, but shouldn't we worry more about the weird house stuff instead of - oh, the hair petting is nice. He's coaxed into speaking from it:]

I met up with my ex here too - we were... bad for each other, before. Like, terrible? Bringing out the worst in each other. But we're sort of reigniting things again against all the better judgement. And against the heavy input of his cousin's judgement. She um, she hates me? Yeah, she hates me.

[sigh]

And then he also punched one of my friends in the face but on one hand he was asking for it because he said something awful but on the other hand, it's not really okay to punch someone. Especially twinks with good bone structure. It can really be devastating.

[To the nose, mostly.]

And now he knows I'm fucking my ex again, even after that. So it's... bad. I'm a bad friend.

[Dryly:] Yes, we must protect the twinks. They're an endangered species.

I don't think you're necessarily a bad friend. You had a relationship with this ex before, correct? Did you friend hate him then? Right now it sounds like you were dealing with your complicated romance and your friend just sort of wandered in and acted a right prick.

But then, I was fucking the same man as my good friend and neglected to tell him, so. Take my opinion with a grain of salt.

Do you ever find yourself making decisions you know are horrible... and just not knowing why?

[Teddie softly sighs, stroking his hand against Harry's chest, playing designs into his chest hair.]

Domingos and I are like... magnets. We repelled each other so violently before but now it's all flipped the good way, and... I don't know. I can't get enough of him. Maybe because it's such a bad thing? Did you avoid telling your friend on purpose, or did it just... not occur to you to mention it?

God, yes. Especially lately.

Domingos. What a lovely name. Tell me, now that you're back together, are you still awful to one another? Do you hurt each other on purpose?

I didn't know at first. And then... I didn't want to hurt him. I truly did not. And I was frightened. He's a much better man than I am, and I suppose I feared the competition. Which is rubbish - there was no contest to begin with.

It's like I can't control myself.

[Like he's being put into scenarios and just reacting, like someone else is playing dollhouse with his life. He's quiet for a beat, listening to Harry and also keeping his ear to the sound of his heartbeat in his chest.]

We're not awful... And if we do hurt each other, it is on purpose - but like, in a way we both kind of want? Instead of before, when it was hurt feelings... now it's more like. Bruises. I like bruises?

[Softly shrugging.]

Did it blow up on you? Mine's blowing up on me.

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cw: suicide

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