fuck marry kill

[money]

FUCK, MARRY, KILL

welcome to GAME NIGHT at DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES. the game on the docket? FUCK, MARRY, KILL. the rules are simple: roll the game picker wheel three times or just pick three as you'd like, dropping the names in your header comment — icly we'll say they picked they names out of a hat. people respond, comment around, get into fist fights, kiss a little? thread hop and react as you see fit!
(meme threads can be considered canon!)

Comments

[quizzes]

Did anyone check my ass for your chopped cum after I died?

[masticated]

[eye twitch. pretending like he's not there, to sapphira:]

You wanna get outta here? Talkin' to a guy like him might make you lose some brain cells.

[quizzes]

( o did u think it was going to be easy?? )

You might wanna hear about the last girl who went off in private with Saber, first.

[masticated]

[excuse the fuck out of you, catch up with the times.]

Last girl who went off in private with me had a very nice time. I like to eat. Not Adrian's fault he's a little slow, kinda stuck back in October where I left him.

[quizzes]

I'm sorry, are the consequences of your actions not something you wanna deal with? Aw. ( pouting at him, ) Saber brained Sarah and doesn't wanna keep hearing about it, because it might not help him get his dick wet. Sad. ( act dropped, ) Go fuck yourself, bitch ass. You're not gonna be walking straight by the time I'm done with you.

[retrogressive]

[ could it be that they are both the most important people here and this is where the tension stems from? ]

If you like to eat — [ to saber ] and you like to fuck people until they can't walk straight — [ to adrian ] then why don't the three of us enjoy our favorite things together? Do we need corpses to keep Saber happy?

[masticated]

[saber is exactly one second away from smashing a glass over adrian's head when sapphira speaks. murderous intent has just been stifled like throwing a gallon of water over his fire. what just happened?!]

You want a threesome?

[retrogressive]

Oh! I accept your offer. I can sense so much hurt between you and Adrian, and nothing would make me happier than being a part of your journey toward a healed and peaceful soul. Do you eat everything? I hope so. Just from the immense presence that Adrian exudes, I think he could really put you on your back!

[quizzes]

( )

I mean.

( Not Opposed )

[retrogressive]

[ there's a good boy. ]

Oh, Saber! Won't you please say yes?

u guys so quick

[masticated]

No, [is this girl crazy. he's into it.] nope, not like that. I'll fuck you, but he's keepin' his hands off me. If he touches me I'll kill him, even if I'm inside you. Even if I'm eatin' you so good you're screamin'. If he touches me I'll gut him. We clear?

[sapphira. adrian. adrian, sapphira. what's the move here, is he killing someone or nah.]

[retrogressive]

Are you scared of the penis? His does look very large, theoretically. I assure you, there's nothing to be afraid of. It will go in with ease.

[masticated]

[uh oh you're losing him]

I'm not gay. I'm not takin' a dick up the ass.

[quizzes]

— You're not?

( why was ur dick hard when u killed me then? )

[masticated]

[why is this a question????]

No. I like girls.

[and he gets hard when he kills ppl and theres a very thin grey area forming there but we don't talk about that]

[quizzes]

Oh. ( hm. ) Sorry I talk about bending you over all the time. I thought it was chill.

[masticated]

[unexpected apology from adrian????]

I thought that was how you talked 'cause you can't shut your trap about dick. You were hittin' on me?

[quizzes]

( hitting on him??

)

I guess, maybe? Not really. I definitely want to beat your ass.

[masticated]

You don't stand a chance.

[retrogressive]

[ strange thing to object to ? ]

You don't have to be gay to take it. But that's all right! I'll take care of him. Can you be more lenient if he accidentally touches you, though? I'm not opposed to corpses, but Adrian is very important to me. I'll put glass in everyone's food if anything happens to him.

[quizzes]

( "very important to me" 🥺 )

Sapphira, you're the dopest. I'll put glass in everyone's food if anything happens to you!

[masticated]

Sweetheart, you can put glass in everyone's food and I'll still eat it.

[debating. debating. ok.]

Fine. You take care of him and I won't kill him.