fuck marry kill

[money]

FUCK, MARRY, KILL

welcome to GAME NIGHT at DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES. the game on the docket? FUCK, MARRY, KILL. the rules are simple: roll the game picker wheel three times or just pick three as you'd like, dropping the names in your header comment — icly we'll say they picked they names out of a hat. people respond, comment around, get into fist fights, kiss a little? thread hop and react as you see fit!
(meme threads can be considered canon!)

Comments

adrian chase 🐬 peacemaker

[quizzes]

Me next!

Okay. Peony — total hottie — Amy — also major hottie — Sapphira — sounds hot — Katherine — so hot — Bucky — mega hot dude, fosho — Ren — hot and angry — and — hey, Bob! He jerked me off the other day! He wins.

[retrogressive]

I don't know if you're playing correctly, but this is my first time too! The answers have been illuminating and I feel like I know everyone much better now. [ many hot girls. some guy named bob whose purpose is handjobs. ] You seem popular and knowledgeable. Will you help me find my footing here?

[quizzes]

Oh, you came to the right place! I'm totes popular. I'm Adrian! If anyone mentions me fucking corpses that's Saber, and he's a douchebag so don't listen to his annoying ass. We hate him.

( kind of randomly pointing people out, ) That's Devon, he's famous for his hole. That's Caroline, she really likes highlighters. That's Lestat, he's French. Oh! That's Shauna, kind of scary but actually pretty cool, we're trying to cure cancer to save Patrick Swayze.

( looking at her a little sidelong, ) Oh ... and Patrick Swayze is an actor. And a dancer!

[retrogressive]

[ much 2 learn? ]

Does Saber make his own corpses? Do we hate him because he fucks them or is there another reason?

Oh, Adrian! Please tell Patrick Swayze I'm terribly sorry about him. Is this your father?

[masticated]

[hello pretty girl, sliding in here to save face (like that's possible).]

Adrian's just mad 'cause I killed him, don't pay attention to a damn thing that comes out of his mouth.

[biggest fattest ignore button on adrian's existence.]

[quizzes]

Saber couldn't find a brain if they were falling out of his ass. Don't pay attention to him.

[masticated]

At least I don't fuck corpses.

[quizzes]

Did anyone check my ass for your chopped cum after I died?

[masticated]

[eye twitch. pretending like he's not there, to sapphira:]

You wanna get outta here? Talkin' to a guy like him might make you lose some brain cells.

[quizzes]

( o did u think it was going to be easy?? )

You might wanna hear about the last girl who went off in private with Saber, first.

[masticated]

[excuse the fuck out of you, catch up with the times.]

Last girl who went off in private with me had a very nice time. I like to eat. Not Adrian's fault he's a little slow, kinda stuck back in October where I left him.

[quizzes]

I'm sorry, are the consequences of your actions not something you wanna deal with? Aw. ( pouting at him, ) Saber brained Sarah and doesn't wanna keep hearing about it, because it might not help him get his dick wet. Sad. ( act dropped, ) Go fuck yourself, bitch ass. You're not gonna be walking straight by the time I'm done with you.

[retrogressive]

[ could it be that they are both the most important people here and this is where the tension stems from? ]

If you like to eat — [ to saber ] and you like to fuck people until they can't walk straight — [ to adrian ] then why don't the three of us enjoy our favorite things together? Do we need corpses to keep Saber happy?

[masticated]

[saber is exactly one second away from smashing a glass over adrian's head when sapphira speaks. murderous intent has just been stifled like throwing a gallon of water over his fire. what just happened?!]

You want a threesome?

[retrogressive]

Oh! I accept your offer. I can sense so much hurt between you and Adrian, and nothing would make me happier than being a part of your journey toward a healed and peaceful soul. Do you eat everything? I hope so. Just from the immense presence that Adrian exudes, I think he could really put you on your back!

[quizzes]

( )

I mean.

( Not Opposed )

[quizzes]

He sucks. And yeah, he killed me. And his dick was hard during.

Pfft. ( grinning at her brightly!! ) No way, dude. My dad's gay!

( nobody asked!! )

[murderbooks]

... So, which of those, I assume you won't be killing?

( What an honst person... )

[quizzes]

No way, I couldn't kill any of them! I'd put Bob down just because I keep trying, but he's like, indestructible.

[murderbooks]

Put... Bob down. ( The one that jerked him off, if he followed. ) So, do these people have other qualities beyond being hot?

[quizzes]

Totally! Bob's like, very nice and super chill, like the kind of guy who you could go on really long drives with and never get sick of! Also, he's so handsome. And he's jacked, which you wouldn't expect if you saw him, because he has this whole kicked puppy, giant teddy bear thing about him. But I swear — shredded. And humble about it!

Oh, and. Um, let's see ... I think Amy's super into stationary.

[murderbooks]

Stationary. Okay. So, you're just listing people you like.

( So, he's not going to learn a lot of useful information from this man. Nor is he expecting to really play the game. Not that he could. He knows only Ilya, who he hasn't seen here in person yet. )

So, is there anyone on that list, or anyone else, I should know? Or, need to know? Is everyone friends here?

[begot]

[ —??? ]

Oh! Thank you. I'll take the loss, considering the judging criteria.

[quizzes]

You're welcome, dude! Thanks for being a hottie. Genuinely.

[ragesagainsttheodds]

[ Angrily:]

I'm not angry!